I'm sure that whoever may be reading this might've noticed - the last month has been rather up and down.
I've just come to the end of week 5 of having UTI's every single week plus worrying (over nothing) about the pre assessment and also having been commissioned to do a blanket which had turned into a nightmare to find a fabric and design that suited everyone involved.
Add in my darling MissK having a few restless nights sleep and the general Christmas pick up in social life/organising Christmas presents for overseas posting etc etc and most days i felt like i was walking through treacle and not getting anywhere!

Well today I've had enough! I'm forgetting the last 4 weeks and starting on a lovely clean crease free page. And the first thing i am doing (because being a woman,i have emotions tied up in all sorts of items around our home) is taking apart the first blanket that i ever made (missK's winter duvet) and sewing it properly.
The reason that I'm doing this is because i think of that duvet a bit like my illness- When i first made it i was SO pleased and proud that i stuck it out and finished it. I could hardly believe what i had done- never mind the ugly corners,uneven stitches and bunching at the back.
Same with my chemo treatment- i was SO pleased that i had met the challange head on and followed it through right to the end.
But now....
Now everytime i look at it i think 'duvet:i love you but really....'
Which is what i found myself doing over this last month - no longer thinking  'WOW i did that.How strong and fabulous am i ?' but instead 'sheesh....life:i love you but really...'

So my game plan is to unpick the duvet, add fresh wadding, fresh backing with letters handstitched in that say 'we heart you kaylin' (which is what i always wanted to do with it but was too impatient last time round) and make it a little larger so it fits her bed properly.
I'm hoping that this project will be enough to alter my mindset a little so that once again i can look at it and think 'Oh yes, I did that, isnt life grand' instead of just noticing the things that weren't the way i wanted them to be.
Add in a couple of decent nights sleep and I'll be away laughing.

So far I've completely unstitched the topper - which took a whole day and evening. I'm not rushing,I'm just doing it perfectly (Perfectly being :to the best of my abilities).

waiting for its new lease of life

oh and to all the lovely people who have asked me about how the pre assessment went: It went fine. Apart from finding out how many days in advance i had to stop eating (hmmm) and them trying to schedule it on missK's birthday (i said thanks but no thanks,pick another day please). So the procedure will be done at the beginning of Feb- I plan on putting it out of my head and enjoying Christmas,my birthday,Manchilds birthday,New years and Missk's birthday before i even vaguely think of it again!!

Yep, life can be hard.
Yep, life can be a drag...
But only if i LET it.