Eleanor Roosevelt was a smart lady. She once said "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...Do the thing you think you cannot do."

I know how true this is this week when i did my two days without food, did my bowel prep (anyone who's done that before will know what a truely horrid experience bowel prep is), had my 'conscious sedation' (which i hadnt had before and was really worried about but actually turned out to be quite fun), and had a camera put down my stoma to check for any growths.

I saw how true it is again yesterday when i took missK to the park with her new scooter. She desperately wants to be like the other kids that she sees whizzing around but hasnt quite got the confidence yet to really give the scooter a good kick off and go racing- she tends to do little pushes which make the scooter wobble more than it should.

Yesterday i decided she needed a taste of what scooter riding can be like, so i raised the handlebars, got her to stand on the front so that i could fit my foot on the back and took us both speeding around the path at the local park as fast as i could.
She started out begging me to stop, telling me she was scared, that she wanted to get off and that she thought she was going to fall.
"do you trust me?" i asked her, "Have i ever done something that would hurt you?"
"yes, i trust you" she said.
"then hop on " i told her, so she did. "hang tight", i said "its fast but fun".

Off we went, within 5 minutes she had relaxed and was laughing and yelling "faster, faster". when we had circled the park a few times, it was time to go home and make dinner and she was begging me to stay and go fast on the scooter again.
We walked back up the hill and her face was aglow with accomplishment and happiness, chattering and laughing the whole way home and asking (non stop) if we could go back down to the park tomorrow and do it all over again.

Thats how i feel too today, like i faced an event that was keeping me awake at nights with worry and fear. I wanted to back out of the colonoscopy and cancel my appointment so desperately but i didnt, and it really wasnt so bad.
Plus the surgeon found and removed polyps - and, heavens knows, those things are better out than in.

people are not perfect...except when they smile.