At this point i could no longer make solid bowel motions,everything was runny and watery (ewww,right?Sorry about the honesty!). My stomach would sometimes be fine and sometimes be swollen and tight and painful. i suspect that even when it was fine,it was probably still sore - i had just adjusted by then.
I had one particularly bad spell while we were down there and Manchild INSISTED that i go and see the local doctor.
"no point" i said, "I know whats wrong with me - i've got dodgy guts and i'm blocked up"
"its not right" said he.
"Maybe not" i replied "but its just the way it is".
I went anyway because he wanted me to. The doctor had a good feel of my tummy and told me that i was constipated. But it REALLY hurts,i told him.I have these cramps where i almost have to bend over because they hurt so much.
Constipation can be incredibly painful,he told me.
Too right it can,i thought.
He offered me a script for Metamucil but i told him that i already had some.
(- i realise now that i neglected to say that when MrI and MissE were living with me i started taking the metamucil religiously,the biggest dose you can,daily.No dice.)
A couple of things about what i was thinking at this point-
Although i had stopped seeing the therapist and my moods (and life!) were much much better,in the back of my mind i was fearful that they were right about the bi-polar and that i was just on a good cycle. I was still thinking that it was my own tension and anxiety that was causing these problems and that as none of the remedies that i had been prescribed had worked, it was my own body/mind that was causing issues.
In short- i thought that when i finally got my life sorted and happy,my body rhythms would come right.
Also my Dad and brother both suffer from sensitive stomachs so it wasnt an uncommon complaint in my family.
I was so happy with manchild though that it was easy to mostly block everything else out-we were out having fun all the time and i was working hard to try and achieve the 'balance' in my life that i thought would make everything come right and return to the way it used to be.
in March/April 2007 i decided to get a smear test. I hadnt had one for quite a few years and i knew of manchild's last girlfriends fondness for infidelity - so i went to the doctor to get a full check up and make sure that there were no nasties being passed from the ex,to him and to me.
I was stunned and devastated when they called me back a few days later to say that the smear had come back abnormal and that i would have to go to the hospital to get part of my cervix removed. I had never been to the hospital before and was as healthy as a horse (i thought).
I cried on the phone when the nurse told me,i cried when i told my mum and i cried when i told manchild.Both mum and manchild turned up at work (where i was when i received the nurses call) with gifts to cheer me up. It didnt really work but it was lovely all the same.
What i knew about cancer at that time was barely nothing:You get it and your lifes over (i thought). You get it because YOU have done something to cause it (smoking etc). If you are healthy and live a healthy lifestyle you WONT get it (haha).
I had (and still was to a large degree) lived an obsessively healthy lifestyle,got plenty of exercise and had never smoked or taken drugs- HOW could this be happening to me??
Around this time i stopped working for a family that i loved very much.I was already down to part time hours with them and after the news about the cervical cancer i just felt too stretched,like if i kept trying to keep all these balls in the court something was going to go PING in my head and it might not be un-ping-able.
I went and had the treatment done very shortly after i received the news of the abnormal smear.The doctor warned me that the cervix may find it hard to hold a pregnancy because thay had cuts parts out so it was weakened (and the parts that have been cut out dont grow back).
thats ok, i thought- i had been told when i was 22 that due to some medical issues from when i was a teenager that i would not be having kids and i had not used birth control for the last 8 years...and had not had kids.
Within 2 weeks of the procedure being done i was pregnant.
Deliriously happy and PREGNANT!!!!!! I was thrilled,totally over the moon with joy.
The pregnancy was very hard but it was my first pregnancy so i didnt know any better. I was sick for the first trimester and lost 5-6 kgs (my weight had dropped from approx 74kg premanchild days, to 59kg now) but morning sickness (or all day sickness in my case) is hardly anything new.
I think i put on 9-10kgs during the entire pregnancy. I was terrified that i would lose the baby and did everything in my power to make sure that my cervix held this baby in!!
I look back on those photos and i look ill.But i was pregnant and i thought you were meant to be ill when youre pregnant - i obviously wasnt going to be one of those lucky ladies who bloomed and blossomed but that was ok,i made up for it in happiness.
Plus on the practical side, i no longer had to suck my tummy in and all the abdominal aches and pains that i was feeling could be put down to the baby and body changes.
My midwife and the literature all assured me that constipation was normal and to just stay healthy.
Unfortunately we were still using film then so i cant put any photos on here for you but i didnt look well.
My stomach muscles also ruptured during pregnancy which was pretty painful,I'm not sure whether it was from the tumour that was growing and pushing my organs around- i (obviously) did not know it at the time but the cancer was all through my uterus and this little baby was struggling to grow alongside that muck.
I got bigger and bigger (and happier and happier).
My waters broke on the evening of Jan 24 (the day after my Dad's birthday) and we headed to the hospital the next morning after a pretty sleepless night.
The baby's heart rate was plummeting everytime i was having a contraction so it was decided that i needed drugs to get things moving (goodbye water birth!) -oxytocin,is it? And an epidural to reduce the pain.
Contractions started and then STOPPED as MissK's heartrate plummeted again and my body refused to push her out. My (amazing) midwife called in four different doctors at different times during my labour and each one told her she was overreacting.
She waited until 5pm for the epidural to wear off,hoping that it was that that was stopping the contractions.
Finally she took matters into her own hands (and thank goodness my mother in law,who is a nurse, was also there) and had a look inside me and realised that the cord was wrapped twice around MissK's neck and that it was strangling her each time i had a contraction.
My contractions had completely stopped but she told me i had to push NOW or we were going to lose the baby.I remember thinking 'not now,we cant have gone through all this to lose her now' and pushing so hard that it felt like my head would explode and again and again. My midwife managed to reach around MissK's head and snip the cord (while she was still inside me ) so that baby could come out.
She was bright blue and not breathing but My mother in law and midwife got her going and the happiest sound i ever heard was MissK's first holler.
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she's a fighter! what an amazing child - and mum too of course! thank heavens for mums and mothers in law
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