I received my appointment date for next (minor) surgery pre assessment - it's on the 27th of this month and to be honest I'm really scared.
It's only the pre assessment but it does mean that the surgery date will be soon after and although its only a colonoscopy and i know that i've been through a lot worse,its the fact that they will be looking for more cancer thats turning me to liquid jelly on the inside.
I've been in a bit of a funk this morning,i haven't been feeling on top of things for the last few weeks and i sat there this morning,obstinately making my coffee last 3 times longer than necessary (because MissK had generously promised that i wouldn't have to move off the sofa until my coffee had been consumed) wondering WHERE i would manage to find the energy to go back to battle if they do find anything.

Cancer has taken more out of me than i could ever have imagined i could give.
Its a struggle to live with the result of all the treatment and operations and its hard to explain that even on a good day I'm only firing on two cylinders. I feel like i constantly short change MissK (oh the irony of having a hugely active child when I'm sluggish at the best of times!!) in the parenting department.

MissK- the sneaky smarty pants that she is suggested that i put some music on from her special 'dance' playlist of fast songs. Then even sneakier she suggested that i put on the 'cat song' (If i ever feel better by phoenix) which she knows full well always gets me up and dancing. Strangely the lyrics also seem VERY appropriate today and it was a timely reminder that i cant control everything it my life.
Life is a chaotic event and sometimes we just have to let it wash over us and draw strength to do what is needed when it is needed.
And theres probably not much point worrying about it until then.