pre diagnosis #4

Our wonderful beautiful MissK was a reflux baby...and not the silent type,the vomity type.
I gave birth on a Friday and Manchild was back to work on Monday so i was at home by myself with the brand new miraculous vomiting child.She vomited constantly.
The first 4 months were a constant cycle of feeding and her vomiting the entire feed up as soon as she was moved off the breast and then having to start the feed all over again (didnt diminish my love for her at all,i hope you understand.But did mean that we had to change clothes a lot!)

At 4 months she had two nights (nicely coincided with my brother coming over from Melbourne to meet his new niece for the first time) of waking for a feed every 30-45 mins all night long.
I realised that she was hungry and not getting enough from me so we put her on formula for her last feed before bed (worked a treat). I was expressing to try to keep my milk flow up but i barely had any milk and the milk i did have was watery,with hardly a layer of fat on it at all.
I thought at the time that it didnt look very nourishing but i didnt really have any experience of breast milk to compare it to.

MissK was a very active,determined baby.At 3 weeks old she knew that when she heard the door creak she could tip her head backwards in the bassinet and see who was coming into the room.At 4 weeks you could put your hands under her armpits and she could support herself on her legs. She never did tummy time because she hated it and within a couple of months she had learned to flip over onto her back from her tummy.

She never crawled but did a little scooty shuffle thing and then by 6-7 months was cruising the furniture or taking steps holding onto the dog.
In typical MissK fashion on the same day -at 9 months old- she cut her first tooth,said Mama for the first time and took her first steps...followed by about 60 more (from the bedroom,to the lounge,kitchen and back to the bedroom).
Life was so busy with a new baby around the place that for a while my own problems didnt bother me.
I lost baby weight fast,not that there was a lot of it to lose. Within approx 4 months after the birth i was back into size 8 pants (this isnt so hard!i thought).

me and the 5 month old child

I know that by the time that my brother and sister in law had their wedding celebration in October i was in a lot of pain.It was hard to concentrate on much else apart from my stomach. I didnt really eat many meals anymore and was always a combination of hungry and nauseous.
I coped by having handfuls of food regularly throughout the day.

In December missK and I travelled down to Dad's house for a mini family reunion with my brothers (and wives) who had come over from Oz and the Uk. It was a brilliant amazing trip.
I was tired all the time.seriously ALL the time.MissK would nap and i would nap.
Now,i know what youre thinking but MissK had been sleeping through the night for a few months now,so i was getting a full nights sleep.I was just bone tired all the time.

MissK's first birthday party in January was hard work and shortly afterwards my old flatmate, MrI's vibrant Mother died of Cancer followed by another close family friend (who used to childmind my brother and i when we were little) also from cancer.
I went to both funerals in the same week.
MissE has told me that she actually commented to MrI that she didnt think i was very well at Heidi's funeral.By then i really wasnt very well. The second funeral was even harder,but i made it through...just.

All i really remember about the next couple of weeks was that i could hardly move.I lay on the beanbag in our lounge for hours on end hoping that MissK would be able to entertain herself next to me with her toys and only getting up if i had to get something for her.
She was brilliant and put up with my shortcomings very well.
I just kept thinking that it was constipation and that at SOME point surely it had to come out!! The idea that it was cancer never even entered my head at all- i didnt even relate bowel problems to cancer in any way.

And then on the 26 of Feb i woke up,sat on the edge of bed bed,looked down at my distended belly and rang the doctor.I need to come in right away i told them.
I rang my mum to look after MissK and she went a bit pale when i showed her my tummy.
I went to see the doctor (a new dr that i had not seen before) and she took one look at me and said with a big smile "congratulations!when are you due?"
"thats the problem"I said,"I'm not"
"oh"she said.
Oh.

She gave my an internal anal exam (ouch) and said :you need to go to the emergency room right away.I'll ring and tell them that you are coming.
I rang Manchild and he left work to come with me,our mum's took shifts looking after MissK.
They run a triage system at Wellington Hospital A and E, so the receptionist asked me how much pain i was in.I said "I gave birth last year and this is much much more painful."
"Than giving birth?"he asked
"yep" By that stage it actually felt as though something was ripping apart inside my stomach,the pain was really very extreme.
They took me in almost straight away.

the first nurse who examined me didnt want to give me any pain relief because she said it would make the constipation worse.
"A bit late for that dont you think?"Manchild said.
the second nurse who came in took one look at me and said "I'm getting you Morphine".
So i tried Morphine and for the first time in 10 years my stomach stopped hurting.I couldn't stop the big Morphine induced grin that spread across my face.
Manchild laughed "I think thats the first time I've seen you smile this week" he said.
"its been a tough week"i replied.

I was in A&E for a while before they figured out what was wrong.
They gave me a suppository (to no avail) and took x rays."stand up straight" the x ray lady said but i couldn't because my stomach wouldnt stretch out any more.
At 11 that night a doctor came in and gave me another internal exam.A nurse was with me and i was very very scared."you have  a massive tumour blocking your rectum and bowel"he said 'i can see it without the help of the scope-its so large"
"a tumour?"i said grabbing tight to the nurses hand what was he saying?
"You have cancer- Do you want me to ring someone?I have to take you in for surgery now.i dont think that your stomach will last the night without rupturing"
"I cant tell them" i said,shocked "You'll have to"
So he rang my mum and she came down to the hospital (manchild was at home with MissK)
Then i rang manchild.Then i went for surgery.

That first hospital experience was awful just because i didnt have any knowledge at all of what was happening,what was going to happen or what any of  the information that the doctors were telling me actually meant. But i do clearly remember once the discomfort of surgery had worn off  thinking what a miracle it was to have that horrible awful constant nagging pain in my abdomen GONE.
it was a wonderful wonderful wonderful feeling.