post script

I just wanted to add a little P.S to all that blogging about pre diagnosis:

P.S. My appetite completely evened out after the BIG operation.I used to not be able to go for 2 hours without eating,i would get faint and it felt a bit like my stomach was trying to eat itself!
One of my doctors asked my after the operation in July if i knew how cancer works .I have no idea,i replied- even though i had gone through 2 operations,radiotherapy and chemotherapy by this stage i still really didnt understand what had happened to my body.
He told me that cancer eats your body or rather it makes your body consume itself by mutating the cells.it effectively eats away at your muscles and fat layers.

The diet that i had/have to live by with my stoma is constricting but its nothing as bad as my eating habits and constrictions before the diagnosis.Again,it probably seemed awful to my family and friends at the time but they had no idea of what i had been putting myself through for the last 10 years and how extreme the situation had become- to be honest until i wrote it all down i didnt really appreciate how extreme it had become!

I still have to eat fairly frequently now,mostly because i try not to overload my stomach and possibly cause a blockage in the stoma and also because i 'm more prone to migraines these days and being very hungry can trigger one.
(Plus i turn into a short tempered,unreasonable cow when i'm hungry so its best not to let it happen!!) but i dont get the same unhealthy gnawing feeling that i used to get.

Looking back i think i had 3 shortfalls in this whole situation.
1/  I was too ready to believe what the professionals told me.I think now that if i had pressed harder maybe i could have made someone take me more seriously

2/ I was scared of finding out that there was  something seriously wrong with me.It ties in a bit with number one and readily excepting what i was told because it was a 'safe' answer.

3/ I had many misconceptions about cancer and what it was.I pretty much thought that you got it when youre old,born with it or you bring it on yourself (lung cancer through smoking,liver cancer through drinking etc). I was so so wrong. I didnt understand that you can get cancer in ANY part of your body and it can come for no apparent reason.

The other thing that i didnt realise is that there are so many treatments for cancer these days that it doesnt have to be a killer,especially if it is caught early.
Its so worth pushing for a test if you think there may be something wrong because your chances of a normal healthy life are so much higher the earlier they catch it.
Basically - if you have PERSISTENT symptoms that make NO sense even if you have tried the remedies that should work,MAKE someone check you out.
We have an AMAZING public health system in NZ,i really cant say enough good things about it-well.i quite literally wouldn't be here today without it. Its there to protect you and keep you healthy,dont make my mistakes.
Take care of yourselves,your life and your health.