I havent written for such a long time!
mostly, I'm pleased to say because things have been smoothly trundling along in my world but also, I'm not pleased to say, because I've been getting myself out there and have widened the group of people that i know and in doing so I've heard some life experiences that would just break your heart.
I feel astonished that these people have the strength to keep on keeping on and without being taken into their confidence,you never could tell whats going on behind the scenes.
My issues are totally small potatoes in comparison and i suppose thats why I've been keeping my busy lil fingers off the keyboard - because i started writing this as a way to get the whole cancer thing out there but now i feel like making a bit of change of pace...but to what?


I'm guessing that it will be a bit more of a record now of things I've done (joined the kindy commitee last week which is NEW ground for me) and things I'm doing (travelling the length of the North Island by car next month) with the odd medical hiccup thrown in here and there as they happen...and lots of sewing i imagine
.
Speaking of medical - i did have the CT scan, when was that...? Monday before last i think,I have an oncologist appointment on Monday when I'll find out the results. I'd touch wood but i dont think i need to.

Summers suddenly come to a halt in wellington (if it ever really got started that is) and just in time and almost a year after moving in Manchild and i have got all the wiring sorted in the house which is like a mini miracle and has got us both chuffed. The vege garden may be overgrown and the garage may leak but at least we have more than one power point in every room and outside lights now.

There are people that i am blessed to have in my life- MissK and Manchild of course , but also friends and family that i couldnt live without.
There seem to be babies (a new niece and second cousin within days of each other!) and pregnancies all around and the moment and its exciting to see the next wave of new life coming through.
Lifes not always easy and i have resigned myself to the reality that i'll be on daily antibiotics for the rest of my life - and when they stop working the game plan will need a rehaul but life is what it is. And no one else is going to make it better for me, than i can make it for myself.
Amen to that.

Eleanor Roosevelt was a smart lady. She once said "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...Do the thing you think you cannot do."

I know how true this is this week when i did my two days without food, did my bowel prep (anyone who's done that before will know what a truely horrid experience bowel prep is), had my 'conscious sedation' (which i hadnt had before and was really worried about but actually turned out to be quite fun), and had a camera put down my stoma to check for any growths.

I saw how true it is again yesterday when i took missK to the park with her new scooter. She desperately wants to be like the other kids that she sees whizzing around but hasnt quite got the confidence yet to really give the scooter a good kick off and go racing- she tends to do little pushes which make the scooter wobble more than it should.

Yesterday i decided she needed a taste of what scooter riding can be like, so i raised the handlebars, got her to stand on the front so that i could fit my foot on the back and took us both speeding around the path at the local park as fast as i could.
She started out begging me to stop, telling me she was scared, that she wanted to get off and that she thought she was going to fall.
"do you trust me?" i asked her, "Have i ever done something that would hurt you?"
"yes, i trust you" she said.
"then hop on " i told her, so she did. "hang tight", i said "its fast but fun".

Off we went, within 5 minutes she had relaxed and was laughing and yelling "faster, faster". when we had circled the park a few times, it was time to go home and make dinner and she was begging me to stay and go fast on the scooter again.
We walked back up the hill and her face was aglow with accomplishment and happiness, chattering and laughing the whole way home and asking (non stop) if we could go back down to the park tomorrow and do it all over again.

Thats how i feel too today, like i faced an event that was keeping me awake at nights with worry and fear. I wanted to back out of the colonoscopy and cancel my appointment so desperately but i didnt, and it really wasnt so bad.
Plus the surgeon found and removed polyps - and, heavens knows, those things are better out than in.

people are not perfect...except when they smile.

Today is Friday-
Here's what i can and cant eat on Monday:
Can Eat:
White breads and crackers
Puffed rice
eggs
butter, marg, oils, vegemite, marmite (but who would,right?!!) 
fish, chicken
white pasta, rice, mashed potato with no milk
Plain Gravy, salt, sugar, syrup, honey
Cauliflower tips, pumpkin with no skin
Marshmallows, barley sugars, sweets
Can drink:
water, black coffee or tea (with no milk products)
strained fruit juice without pulp (apple, white grape, orange)
clear broth
plain jelly without fruits or toppings
carbonated and non carbonated soft drinks
fruit flavoured cordials
clear ice blocks (avoiding red or green colourings)
avoid red coloured drinks

Can NOT eat or drink:
milk, milk products, cheese, desserts
wholegrain bread, wholegrain crackers, milk bread, fruit bread
other prepared cereals, wholegrain cereals
brown pasta, rice
tough meat and sausages
fried, smoked and tinned fish
soup that isn't clear
berry fruit jams
all fruits, including coconut and dried fruits
all seeds and nuts
most other vegetables

On Tuesday:
Do not eat ANY solid food, milk or milk products, and only drink clear fluids from the list above.

On Wednesday:
Do not eat.All day. Even though the procedure is not until late afternoon *sigh*
I'm not really looking forward to the bowel prep...or the lack of food. I really really love to eat and get extremely grouchy more than a few hours without food so i may have to be bulking up on the jelly and lemonade popsicles,just as I've done every time there's been an operation and I've had to fast.

On the plus side, i had another one of those freaky coincidences this morning.
Little Miss is not so little anymore, having turned 4 two days ago. On her birthday eve her Kindergarten rang to say that they have brought her morning kindy start date forward from March 9 to that very day.

Meanwhile i had been racking my brain to think how i could get her to kindy and back on the days i'm not eating because the last thing i wanted to do was work up an appetite by walking MissK there and back.
Low and behold, this morning i got to chatting with another one of the Mum's there.. and it turns out she lives two doors down from me and offered lifts whenever we may need them.
Bless her, we'll be popping over for a visit on Monday afternoon (i'll be taking my coffee black,thanks *ugh*) and hopefully during the course of explaining my situation, MissK and I will be also making some new friends.
Excellent.

Manchilds hand, MissK's feet. Less than 24 hours old

From this to this in four short short years.

Birthday morning with the spoils

Pay it forward 2012

My Sister in Law in Sydney has had this circulating on her Facebook page and i wanted to extend it to my blog readers.

The 'winners' will be the first 5 to comment and leave me their email address (so that i can contact you when i need to send things on).

You can enter from any country - although obviously i wont be making you a cup of tea or coffee if youre on the other side of the world!

 

"This is awesome! Pay it forward 2012.... I promise to make something handmade for the first 5 people to comment. They must in turn post this and make something for the first 5 people to comment on their status. The rules are it must be handmade by you and they must receive it before the end of 2012. It could be as simple as making a cup of coffee for a friend. This will be fun!"

...go on,you know you want to play.....

x Cat

 

My little MissK has been exhibiting some extremely challenging behaviour of late- digging her heels in and steadfastly refusing to do whatevers asked of her until she's been backed into a corner (metaphorically), and i feel like i'm slowly but surely turning into the nagging, impatient Mother that i never wanted to be.
So it might be time to reassess how I'm dealing with my willfull determined offspring.

Strangely i think its the endless days of holidays, sunshine and no commitments that has been her undoing. She is definately one of those kids who likes to have set routines for each day and to know whats coming up around the next corner.
She likes to know who,where,what and when....basically she's just nosey and will probably grow up to be a total control freak.
Maybe thats where our problem steams from because she really should know by now that I'm the control freak in our family and she will have to wait til she has her own family before its her turn.

But lets not talk about growing up because the number FOUR birthday is approaching FAR too rapidly.
At this rate she will be fleeing the nest long before either Manchild or i are ready to let her go....
Maybe now that we have a backyard we can build her her own little house out there so that she never actually has to move away from home.

And if she does leave,the neighbours had better watch out because i might just start collecting cats to fill the void.

Hello 2012

2012! Goodbye 2011- it was nice knowing you.
There were many highs during 2011 for our little family - the best i think being a renewed sense of independence that came with the move to our new house.
It feels a bit more like we are 'on track' for the goals that Manchild and i both have for our family life which is brilliant! Of course the house has gobbled up ALL our money,so 2011 has been a year of scrimping and saving and eating humble pie whenever various family members came to our rescue and offered to help out in the form of finances or groceries.
Lucky that we have a house with a biggish yard, i keep thinking,since it needs a whole lot of regular work (very neglected when we moved in) and doesnt cost a thing :-)

i have to admit that there have been a few lows too-its been disheartening to realise how regularly I'm getting UTI's -even thought I'm still using gentimicin daily- and how often i have to stay at home because the nausea is so bad that i cant go in the car (me! Who's never suffered a bout of motion sickness in her life til now!).
I dont quite know how to change this (thats the disheartening bit) but I'm working on it....

And a few highs too- NZ winning the world cup in rugby, Having major snow fall in Wellington for the first time in approx 13 years.Lots and lots of fun times.

The next few months are going to be busy ones-
My brother,his Lady and their 2 year old son are arriving from Oz on Friday- its the first time they have seen our new house and both Manchild and i are fighting the insane desire to buff n polish it within and inch of its life!! We are all super excited to see them.
My Dad,daughter and Step mum all have their birthdays within the last week of Jan (MissK is turning FOUR!!!!).
At the beginning of Feb i have the colonoscopy and at the end of Feb i have to go in for a bladder study to see if its my bladder that is rebelling and causing all the infections - it seems that if it is,the urologist has other tricks up his sleeve like injecting botox into the bladder (yes,you read that right,botox).
And at the start of March I've got an MRI and MissK starts morning kindy.
And in April we will be travelling up to Auckland to see the How To Train Your Dragon stage show which Manchild got me tickets to for Christmas (Yippee!). It might be a slow trip due to car sickness but hopefully the bladder study will have cleared up a few issues by then (fingers crossed!)

Busy busy busy.
It seems that time has been marching on while i wasnt looking- Manchild and i both celebrated our birthdays last week: Me,35 and him,31. Considering we met when he was 16 and i was 20 its a bit of an achievement to still happily tolerate the sight of each other.
Even after living together for the last 6 years, i still get a warm glow when Manchild tells me that he values me most when i disagree with his opinion and refuse to conform to his ideas (good thing he tells me this because otherwise i would swear that he hates it!).
Its an amazing feeling to be valued for who you are rather than what somebody else wants you to be.

So in the long run 2011- thank you for being a year of growth and normality,its been brilliant and 2012, I'm excited by what you will be bringing our way.
Much love to everyone who has cruised through this blog at one time or another, Thanks for reading and best wishes and happiness for 2012
xx

Manchild's migraines have come back with a vengeance this week (7 in the last three days) as his back has tightened up after a year of hard labour.
Thank goodness he managed to get an appointment with the ostio tonight to give it a right good cracking/straightening out.
Its reminded me exactly HOW far we have progressed over the last 2 years (SO easy to forget!) and i thought that it was about time to make a wee list of things that i am grateful for in my life today...

Being here for another year to see our haphazard Christmas tree who's decorations are rearranged daily by the excited MissK.
And to be living in a country where we have power to plug the tree in and a roof over our heads....

Having time with my daughter to make these (super simple) Christmas decorations together to hang on our tree.
Watching her amazement as pipe cleaners turned into 'candy' canes that she could put on her tree.
Feeling like i was the smartest person in the world (even if it was just in her eyes only)...

'The' jacket (photo for you MM) that we were gifted (the previous post).
Divine,indulgent and gorgeous- it will NOT be saved for best but instead worn at every occasion that we can get away with :-)
...

All the well wishes and love from family and friends for the festive season.
I especially love this card as MissK is really in the anticipation of Christmas this year- Shes not particularly fussed about the gifts (no doubt that will kick in next year!) but manchild and i are LOVING the excitement and wonder that she is bringing into our household.
Complete delight over the tree,the advent calendar,the tinsel, Christmas lights and Christmas baking....

And of course, my family (including Himself who is holding the camera).
We are not perfect
But being Happy doesnt mean that everythings perfect,
It means that you've chosen to look beyond the imperfections.

I'm very very grateful for every little niggly imperfection that my family (close,extended and honorary) and friends choose to bestow upon me this Christmas season.

And one last thought thats carrying me through as the pre- Christmas stress levels reach fever pitch....
Everyday is a new beginning,Take a deep breathe and start again.